The long-awaited grudge match between USC and Cal happened this past week. All I can say is, we got dominated. That's all I'll say about that. But right before the game, before entering the stadium, I got the rare opportunity to watch Peter Carroll and the USC players walk into our stadium to get ready for the game. Now for all you nons, Pete Carroll could potentially go down as one of the greatest college football coaches of all time. And the Trojans are chock-full of future NFL Pro-Bowl talent. I literally thanked God for the opportunity to witness such an event. I was straight up Charlie and the Chocolate Factory status as I ran up to that bus. This was my golden wrapper.
So what did I do?
I started shouting near-obscenities non-stop at the top of my lungs with hands cupped over my mouth for added volume and emphasis. I've always said, "to USC, we're just another team to beat, but to us, USC is the devil". I think the mic man put it best when he said, "THOSE PLAYERS, THOSE FANS, THAT SCHOOL... REPRESENT EVERYTHING THAT IS WRONG IN THIS WORLD!!!". That pretty much sums up how strongly I feel about USC.
So what am I getting at? In between my shouts of "LET'S GO HUSKIES!", "WE WANT CORP!" and "WE WANT A SALARY CAP", all I could hear was myself. Now people have always told me that I have a notoriously loud outdoor voice. So I knew everyone could hear me. In fact, I could have been deaf and their eyes alone would have told me that. When all the players walked in after giving me the dirtiest glares a football team named after a condom could seriously give, a fellow Cal fan walked up to me cracking up and shook my hand while telling me "That was awesome man".
But why was I the only one? What the hell? This program's done everything short of getting on a loudspeaker to tell the world that they cheat and pay their athletes and not a word? No one hates Florida the way people hate SC. PEOPLE HATE SC FOR A REASON. Give me a break. Save professionalism for the NFL. This is college football. Not golf.
On a completely unrelated note, I was with my boss deciding where to eat lunch when we stumbled upon this Korean restaurant in where else but K-town. As we sat down, she suggested I order the "Soh muhlee gook bap" which could literally be translated into cow head soup with rice. But I didn't care, I was hungry so I assumed that cow head soup could be translated into something else that my ignorant, barely korean and far too American upbringing never taught me.
So the food comes out and I try some of the soup before I begin to add my salt and other "accoutrement" (I know, I just jumped on the friend ladder) and I realize that this tastes just like suhlungtang. So I'm super happy seeing as to how I haven't been able to have suhlungtang for what feels like ages. Halfway through the meal, I reach down to the bottom of the bowl for my clear suhlungtang noodles and there aren't any. Any of you who have ever had suhlungtang know what these noodles are. They're like the the top to a muffin. Sometimes they're the only reason I order suhlungtang. YOU CAN'T EFFING HAVE AN EFFING MUFFIN WITHOUT THE EFFING TOP!!! AND YOU CAN'T EFFING HAVE EFFING SUHLUNGTANG WITHOUT THE EFFING CLEAR EFFING NOODLES!!!
Allow me to digress for the sake of better expressing my disappointment in that moment. I remember when I was a little kid, maybe four years old, I saw two older kids getting into an argument. As their words got more and more heated, I remember thinking that this could turn ugly real quick. Suddenly, one kid (the fat one, because there's always a fat kid in fight memories that turn funny at the end) shouts at the top of his lungs and says "YOU'RE F****** LUCKY I'M A CHRISTIAN, CAUSE IF I WASN'T, I WOULD BEAT THE S*** OUT OF YOU!!!". People say I remember EVERYTHING. There's a reason I remember so much. Usually it's because whatever it is was so hilarious to me at the time that it made an indelible impression on my sense of humor and self that would never leave me. THIS was one of those moments.
But I digress (whoever was the first one to say this needs to be punched). When I brought my spoon up from the bottom of that bowl with only rice and soup, I felt what that aforementioned fat kid felt. My anger was straight up feral, primal, call it what you want. Gluttony had nothing to do with it. It was an anger stemming from the fact that THE WORLD SHOULD NEVER ALLOW THINGS TO COME TO THIS. I was about to knock my table over in front of everyone during a busy lunch hour, walk to the manager and shout "YOU'RE F****** LUCKY I'M A CHRISTIAN, CAUSE IF I WASN'T, I WOULD BEAT THE S*** OUT OF YOU!!!!" No joke. I was angry. So angry in fact, I felt this injustice needed to be rectified through this blog that no one ever reads. Lesson of the day? I don't know if there is one, just don't ever give me suhlungtang without clear noodles or I'll turn into a fat kid and give you some great comedy.