Saturday, December 29, 2007

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Walking the Line

I feel like there's a thin line between being a jerk and having a good sense of humor. I like to think I lean toward the latter, but realize that I'm probably more of a jerk than I think. This past year has been an interesting one because several people have approached me about my "biting" humor as one person put it. Maybe approached isn't the best word to use. Intimated about my abrasive sense of humor. There you go. It's really more of a poking or elbowing humor more than it is jabbing. Not so much meant to hurt people's feelings any more than it is to make people laugh at the expense of others. And I like to think that that expense is a very subtle one. Regardless, if I've ever hurt your feelings, I'm sorry. Keep in mind it was never my intention.

Following in the same pattern of apologies, if I've ever been walking and ignored you on campus or on the street, I apologize again. You see, this year was a year of milestones for me. I finally realized that I needed glasses, or came to the realization that without them I would die. Ever since I was a kid, I hated the idea of glasses. I took pride in being the only one in my family that didn't wear glasses. This continued on until high school when, even though I got glasses, I didn't wear them. Countless near accidents and squints later, I finally walked into Minor Hall and got a pair of glasses and a years worth of contact lenses. So there's your explanation.

It's probably not a good thing that I'm ending the year on a apologetic note, but I felt compelled. So, for the last time this year, I'm sorry you sensitive pansies.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

In the Land of Narnia

So I'm sitting at FSM working on a take home final due in 8 hours running on a double shot and a Rock Star. I feel like Peewee Herman right now, pre-pervert stage. I'm as giddy as a little girl. I just texted my sister and told her I love her. Kind of.

Anyways, the reason I write is to tell you about an encounter I had today. Not with a person, but with a fantasy world. So at 5:30, I was talking to Janekoo Chicken online and decided I'd tag along with her and Misoo to the library. I put my stuff down, opened my Rock Star and began writing. After about 10 minutes or so, I felt a slight discomfort in my bladder and made my way towards the bathroom. The mens was locked so I stood there for about 10 seconds before I realized the womens was vacant. It took me a total of 5 seconds to make the decision to use it.

As I opened the door and walked in, I came to 2 realizations:

1. As Andrew would say, I was "selling my balls" to use this bathroom. But I had to go, so I didn't care.

2. Hmmm....something's different here. Why doesn't this place smell like poo. That's right, poo. Not "poop". Poop has an air of finality. The "P" at the end makes it seem as if there's an end. "Poo" lingers. Those two "O"s can go on forever. Poooooooooooooooooooooooooo, you get the idea. Men's bathrooms smell like poo, not roses. I was shocked. I was in Narnia. This place was a fantasy world. No splattered pee (again, there's no end; pee) on the floor. No brown stains on the toilet seat. No "Poo" smell. I imagined Polly Pocket living in a world much like this one.

Of course, being the neanderthal that I am, I was envious. Not jealous, but envious. I sinned. In the words of Ed Norton, "I felt like destroying something beautiful". Let's keep this PG. I'll just say, I defiled that place. F*** You Aztlan.

Ladies, be thankful for what you have. Your bathrooms don't smell like poo, ours do.

That is all.

All right. Back to disability studies and literature.

Good luck with finals everyone!

I just used the mens bathroom. When I looked to my left, there was a bloody booger smeared on the wall. Again, ladies, be thankful.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Good Will over Thanksgiving Break

I know...I talk about movies way too much. I was thinking; I could make myself like every other pretentious film buff and talk about Fellini, the French New Wave, or old obscure movies that no one's ever heard of, which would accomplish at least 1 of 2 things.

1. I could slowly spiral into a pathetic drone which would lead to my using words like, but not limited to: accoutrement, double-entendre, or even therefore.
Let's be real here. No self-respecting person uses these words in everyday conversation. Please write, like you talk. You just sound like an idiot.

2. I could label myself an elitist and no one would want to read what I have to say. I'd probably spend my nights going back and forth on film forums debating what that penis shot in the last Bertolucci movie means.

So I'd rather not. Instead, I want to talk about stuff people will actually enjoy. Like Good Will Hunting.

Since it came out, this movie has been in my list of favorites. It's just great writing. Robin Williams did a great job. Probably the best I've seen from him.

And of course, a few of my favorite scenes. With commentary of course.

Humbling. This just reminds me never to buy into that whole scene. Let's just be real with one another. None of this elitist Hahvahd swagger (Berkeleyans are guilty as well). Noona, please, none of this.

Tough love. It's great having friends willing to dish it.

It's ironic how no matter how much we can't stand each other, we learn so much from just being together.

I don't want to show too much for those who haven't seen it. Instead, let's watch it together. Anyone interested?

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Being at the World Series...kind of.

So this past summer, I took a trip to Boston to help my sister move in and of course, like any baseball fan, was hoping I could catch a Bosox game while I was there. When I checked to get tickets, they were sold out (typical of Bosox games), so I went ahead and bought two incredibly overpriced standing room tickets on stubhub. Thursday wasn't exactly the best day for us to go, but I was just happy to be able to go see Fenway and the Sox. The night before, I realized that Josh Beckett and Jeff Francis would be pitching the night of our game so I was pumped. Little did I know that roughly 5 months later, that same game (Beckett vs. Francis @ Fenway) would end up being World Series Game 1. Of course, it isn't the same as being at the World Series, but it's probably the closest I'll ever get. In any case, I think it's awesome.

And what an appropriate time to post my pictures from that night and the Boston trip.

I've only been to a few ballparks in my life, but for me, Fenway really typifies what a ballpark should be. Notice how I said "ballpark" and not stadium. It's weird if you've never been there, but going to a game at Fenway really makes you feel like you're part of a community. Not like other places.

The whole park just has a very vintage, classic feel to it. My favorite park so far, hands down.

My favorite quote of the entire night (Notice the number 666 on the jersey):

Sister: Is Steinbrenner the best player on the Red Sox?

My sister's hilarious.

Of course, the Green Monster.

Just looking at these pictures makes me nostalgic.

Big Papi


Other Boston Pics:

Harvard's got a Calder
MIT's got a Calder
Apparently my sister does too.

Emack and Bolio's
Metro Black Guy sitting down: That thang is bigger than her heyd

Maine Lobster from Atlantic Fish Co. If you're a seafood lover and you're in Boston, you can't miss out on this place. Best restaurant I've been to.

If you want New England Clam Chowder in Boston, you can't just go to any restaurant or cheap stand. You need to go somewhere nice. Trust me, I found the difference out pretty quickly. Don't be cheap. It's not the same. Go to Atlantic Fish Co. It'll be the best Clam Chowder you've ever had.
Seafood Linguini (she didn't want to splurge on the lobster; I did)

Whole wheat French Toast at The Paramount

Crab Cake BLT
Famous Ethiopian Restaurant. Too dark to take pictures.

What's Boston without Art?

Just a few of my favorites that I got to see. If you can name all the artists, straight up, I'll buy you dinner.


What a great city.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Thursday, October 11, 2007

A Tribute to the Greatest Dialogical Movie of Our Time

So my taste in movies is usually very selective. In fact, I very rarely find someone who shares my taste in movies. Usually any conversation with me and another person is littered with "I liked it, but I didn't love it"s or "it was worth the ticket price"s. Rarely do I ever really connect with someone. In other words, it's hard for me to agree on the topic with anyone.

But I'm not writing this entry to try and evangelize you to the religious experience that is my taste in movies, but to share with you the reason why this movie's so awesome.

Pulp Fiction is a great movie on so many levels, which I could go on and on about to you, but what really makes me love this movie, in the same way that the score of the Godfather makes me love the Godfather, is the dialogue.

Take this scene for example:

One thought comes to mind after watching this scene: I wonder if there are really people who talk like this in real life. I mean, this isn't your everyday awkwardness. This is straight up in-your-face hilarity. Let's break this scene down with analysis of my favorite lines. And please remember, these are MY favorite lines.

"We're associates of your business partner Marsellus Wallace"

How the hell does Samuel L. Jackson fit so many S's into this line? And why the hell isn't my name Marsellus Wallace? What a great name. It just wouldn't work with any other name. Whereas I marvel at Samuel L. Jackson for simply being the first to say the line, my awe is tainted with the sad sad realization that I can never be like him. Innovation like this can never be replicated.

"Hamburgers! The cornerstone of any nutritious breakfast"

This line goes so much deeper than just hamburgers. There's the condescending sarcasm of the black man, standing tall above the white man. There's the painful realization that this tone of voice from a black man can only lead to him busting a cap into Brad, or several caps into Brad. And finally the hilarity that hamburgers aren't REALLY the cornerstone of any nutritious breakfast, he's just going to kill this guy; so why are we laughing? BECAUSE IT'S HILARIOUS

"MMM-Hmmm! This is a tasty burger!"

The one thing that this line has going for it is the fact that after watching Jackson pick up the burger and take a bite, something in my stomach tells me I want a damn Big Kahuna Burger. This line only verbally verifies it. I still think about the image of that burger sometimes.

"Check out the big brain on BRAD! You're a smart mother-F*****, that's right!"

Check out the big brain on Brad. This is a reaction line. A reaction line is one that really doesn't have any effect without the way in which it's said. Check out the big brain on Brad. It's hilarious. No explanation needed.

"Sprite. Good. Do you mind if I have some of your tasty beverage to wash this down?"

This level of cynicism is dangerous. Who the hell says beverage? No one ever says beverage. No one in their right mind at least. Only someone who's going to kill somebody says "beverage". If you ever hear someone ask for a guy's "beverage", get the hell out of there.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did I break your concentration? I didn't mean to do that. Please, continue."

Why am I cracking up when he just killed that guy on the couch? On one hand you're thinking: "He just shot that guy" and on the other hand you're thinking: "He just shot that guy, that's hilarious". Black humor at it's best.

"What does Marsellus Wallace look like?"

To which Brad responds, "He's..b..b..BLACK!". You could cut the racial tension with a knife. I don't know about you, but everytime I hear him say "black" I'm always thinking: "You idiot, this guy's black TOO! There's no way you're getting out of this now".

"This is some serious gourmet s***!"

I laugh just thinking about this line. If you've been around me long enough you've probably heard me use it in an everyday setting. Keep in mind, these guys just blew some guy's head off in their car. But what I'm thinking about when I watch this isn't the corpse in the garage. I'm wondering what kind of coffee this guy's drinking.

I love verbal banter. I've never laughed harder at two guys arguing as they pick up pieces of skull in the back of a car.

Ignore the retarded skip to fiction.

"I don't want to hear about no mother f****** ifs!"

God, I wish I could talk like this guy. It's so scripted yet so natural. Plus, Jules freaking out is the funniest thing I've ever seen. The range of emotion is nothing short of pure comedy.

I love this movie. Go watch it.

Saturday, September 29, 2007

Are you in Law school?

So last weekend I had to pull out of going to the Monterey Jazz Festival with a few friends because some stuff came up. I listed and sold the ticket at $230 on Craigslist. But when I called to get the money after the festival (the guy wanted to pay the money at the festival), I found that the guy had only given them 210. Not only that, my friend told me he tried to get out of another 10 bucks and just pay 200 until he called him out on it. I guess it was partly my fault that this happened since I hadn't told my friends how much money to get from him, but you never really expect random people to be douche bags until they exceed all expectations. Anyways, to put it bluntly, I got jipped. I called the guy and left the following message:

"Hey Chris, I think there was a little misunderstanding of how much money the ticket was being sold for. Give me a call back and we'll sort it out."

This message was way too nice. I think a good word for it would be "formality". It was a formality. I had to give the guy the benefit of a doubt. At least one. But he didn't call me back the next day so I left another message, slightly more brusque than the last:

"Chris, you owe me money. Call me."

I know, pretty mean huh? Now, maybe I jumped the gun a little bit with this one, but I guess the reality that I got jipped with no solid way of getting "unjipped" kind of rattled me (Rattled, as in "Man, I was really rattled"). I realized there was no legal way of doing this (this wasn't Ebay), so I took a risk.

The Risk

Man, this needs a whole new title line. I'm still laughing about it.

So knowing that the guy would probably never call me back, I took a risk and googled "Largest Law Firm in SF". I took down the name and number of the managing partner and proceeded to call Chris. I left this message:

"Chris, this is Sam. I'm assuming by your not returning my phone calls that you're not going to pay me the money. I'm sorry it had to come to this. My attorney will be contacting you within the next week (proceeded to give him the name and number of the firm and managing attorney that I had googled)"

Please, please reserve all judgment until you finish reading. The next morning while waiting for an appointment, I realized I'd gotten a voice message earlier and called to see who it was. I got this:

"Hey, Sam, this is Chris. Give me a call back. We need to figure some stuff out."

Right then and there, the biggest smile spread across my face as I called him back. The following is the most accurate retelling of the phone conversation that I can give, complete with commentary:

Chris: Hello?
Sam: Chris, this is Sam.
Chris: Hey Sam, I'm glad you called back.
Chris: Well, uh...(nervous chuckle) I assumed that those people were your representatives and decided to do a little "last minute negotiating"

Let me start out by saying that those were his exact words, verbatim. Notice how I took the liberty of putting them in quotations. "Last minute negotiating", from the same idiot who brought you "C as in quarter".

Sam: "Last minute negotiating"?
Chris: Yeah.
Sam: Would you have even called me back if I hadn't left you that last message Chris?
Chris: Uh... probably not.
Sam: Ok...have you contacted your representation?
Chris: My represenation?
Sam: Your representation, your attorney, your representation in court.
Chris: (Nervous chuckle) No, I haven't. Sam, why don't you give me your address and I'll send you the money as soon as I can.

At this point, I knew I had him, but I was pretty irked that he straight up admitted to what he did so I decided to mess around a little. Just a little.

Sam: You know Chris, if you had just called me back the first time or even the second time, I would've been OK with that, but it's really more about the principle for me.
Chris: Uh-huh
Sam: Because I think we can both agree that it's ridiculous to go to court over something like this.
Chris: Absolutely, I do agree.
Sam: But (I was telegraphing this "but" for the past 3 sentences) I think I'd much rather handle it in court. I think that's the best place to "negotiate" this issue.
Chris: Sam, I'm really sorry for that. I really am.
Sam: It's a little late for that Chris. I don't know what the protocol for something like this is, seeing that all we had was a verbal contract; which you broke.
Chris: I'm aware of that, but what I'm trying to do here, what should be done for any civil dispute is to talk to one another and settle the situation.
Sam: I tried to do that Chris. That's why I called you twice before and waited for you to return the call.

By this time, I didn't want to take it any further cause I could kind of tell by his sighs and nervous chuckles that he was crapping his pants. I kind of felt bad, in a redeeming type of way.

Chris: All I can say is that I'm ready to send you the money

I then proceeded to give him my information for him to send the money to me. But before we hung up, he said this:

Chris: Are you in Law school?

I could barely contain myself as I answered:

Sam: No, actually I'm a practicing attorney.
Chris: Oh, I knew it was either/or

Hahaha I hung up the phone and burst into laughter.

In retrospect, I realized I probably shouldn't have taken it any further after he told me he'd pay the money, but you guys know me.