It's me....Bourne Identity

Matt Damon's hilarious.

Walking the Line

I feel like there's a thin line between being a jerk and having a good sense of humor. I like to think I lean toward the latter, but realize that I'm probably more of a jerk than I think. This past year has been an interesting one because several people have approached me about my "biting" humor as one person put it. Maybe approached isn't the best word to use. Intimated about my abrasive sense of humor. There you go. It's really more of a poking or elbowing humor more than it is jabbing. Not so much meant to hurt people's feelings any more than it is to make people laugh at the expense of others. And I like to think that that expense is a very subtle one. Regardless, if I've ever hurt your feelings, I'm sorry. Keep in mind it was never my intention.

Following in the same pattern of apologies, if I've ever been walking and ignored you on campus or on the street, I apologize again. You see, this year was a year of milestones for me. I finally realized that I needed glasses, or came to the realization that without them I would die. Ever since I was a kid, I hated the idea of glasses. I took pride in being the only one in my family that didn't wear glasses. This continued on until high school when, even though I got glasses, I didn't wear them. Countless near accidents and squints later, I finally walked into Minor Hall and got a pair of glasses and a years worth of contact lenses. So there's your explanation.

It's probably not a good thing that I'm ending the year on a apologetic note, but I felt compelled. So, for the last time this year, I'm sorry you sensitive pansies.

In the Land of Narnia

So I'm sitting at FSM working on a take home final due in 8 hours running on a double shot and a Rock Star. I feel like Peewee Herman right now, pre-pervert stage. I'm as giddy as a little girl. I just texted my sister and told her I love her. Kind of.

Anyways, the reason I write is to tell you about an encounter I had today. Not with a person, but with a fantasy world. So at 5:30, I was talking to Janekoo Chicken online and decided I'd tag along with her and Misoo to the library. I put my stuff down, opened my Rock Star and began writing. After about 10 minutes or so, I felt a slight discomfort in my bladder and made my way towards the bathroom. The mens was locked so I stood there for about 10 seconds before I realized the womens was vacant. It took me a total of 5 seconds to make the decision to use it.

As I opened the door and walked in, I came to 2 realizations:

1. As Andrew would say, I was "selling my balls" to use this bathroom. But I had to go, so I didn't care.

2. Hmmm....something's different here. Why doesn't this place smell like poo. That's right, poo. Not "poop". Poop has an air of finality. The "P" at the end makes it seem as if there's an end. "Poo" lingers. Those two "O"s can go on forever. Poooooooooooooooooooooooooo, you get the idea. Men's bathrooms smell like poo, not roses. I was shocked. I was in Narnia. This place was a fantasy world. No splattered pee (again, there's no end; pee) on the floor. No brown stains on the toilet seat. No "Poo" smell. I imagined Polly Pocket living in a world much like this one.

Of course, being the neanderthal that I am, I was envious. Not jealous, but envious. I sinned. In the words of Ed Norton, "I felt like destroying something beautiful". Let's keep this PG. I'll just say, I defiled that place. F*** You Aztlan.

Ladies, be thankful for what you have. Your bathrooms don't smell like poo, ours do.

That is all.

All right. Back to disability studies and literature.

Good luck with finals everyone!



EDIT
I just used the mens bathroom. When I looked to my left, there was a bloody booger smeared on the wall. Again, ladies, be thankful.